My Favourite Policeman Jokes From Jethro

I never managed to see Jethro live but I recall watching him on the TV and most of his best jokes are on Youtube and still make me laugh today. As an ex Policeman I can only smile at his humour in this video the transcript of which you can read below.

Now before we start before we start I’d like to say before we start I got a bad foot and you buggers you don’t care.

I’ve had hell of a day I got a bad foot, you may hear that again before the lights out and not only that I might I’ve had hell of a day my missus have had a coil fitted and she’s picking up a CB operators on the bledy thing and when I left Cornwall I was getting verbal both ends I was.

Is there any police men, is there a policeman in? Yeah, well piss off home!

let me tell you if you’re on if you’re on holiday in Western Super Mare and you get stopped by the police for Christ’s sake don’t try to be funny because them bastards got no sense of humor at all. They they stopped me going home last night and they pulled in front of me.

Out got the first bugger the first, bugger got out, he’s about 14 the first bugger. Then the second one got out, see you they always come in twos because one is good at reading and one’s good at writing!

Then the second one got out and he wasn’t quite so old he’s about 12 I think and they don’t say good evening sir do you realise you’re exceeding the speed limit the bugger never said that, do you know what this tosser said? He said good evening Wing Commander having trouble leaving the ground are you?

What a prick, then then the second one the younger one he started asking questions then he started asking questions, he said are you the driver of this car? Well I am the only bugger there. Well I said is it automatic but I gotta try to be here if I can see.
Well he said I followed you here see, he said you was doing 100 mile an hour. I said you tosser I haven’t been out an hour!

Then then he got his head in the car,his head was in the car, his head was in the car I was looking right up his nostrils. He said have we been drinking have we? the hell I said I don’t know what you’ve been doing I’ve had about 15 pints I have! Well he said I want you to blow in this bag he said this bag will tell me if you’re pissed or not.

I thought, I got a bag home that will tell me that!

honest boys I have got a bag home I appreciate anybody can be ugly but my misses abuses the privilege she’s bloody horrible, she’s worse than you up there.

I got her with me tonight, saves kissing her goodbye see dunnit. But when we got married the vicar said will you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forth, I said I will.

Then the vicar took a look at her, He said, I’m going to ask you again!!

My Favourite Policeman Jokes From Jethro